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In fact, one doctor-Stuart Meloy of Winston-Salem, North Carolina-already patented one, in 1996. (More on that in a bit.) This outlook rests on reasonable foundations: Orgasms are just energy and drugs surging through brains, and we can trigger them without genital stimulation, even by thoughts alone. They usually (but not always) unfold thanks to (not always sexual) stimulation of the genitals or the nerves tied to them, which send signals up the spinal cord and into the brain.

It consists of a small generator, to be implanted near the spine, linked to electrodes running into spinal nerves that take signals from an external remote. Those electrodes would zap the brain, via the nerves, to orgasm. Only about a dozen women have tried the Orgasmatron, and only a few reported full orgasms.

“Every partner could be different, every action that preceded it… whether it’s make-up sex or angry sex or S&M sex or whatever it might be,” said Jim Pfaus, a sexual neuroscientist. “The quality of [an orgasm] is going to change. Your brain is interpreting it differently because of the antecedent conditions.”We don’t know much about how differing build-up colors an orgasm, or what brain activity during orgasm ties to how we interpret it.

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But if you really want to get off, you’ll have to do it the old-and wet, squishy- way. Follow Mark Hay on Twitter..

The spinal surgeon was performing a routine pain-relief operation on a patient, using electrodes implanted into the spine when he hit the magic spot. The patient who was awake at the time started making rather appreciative noises, and told Dr Meloy: ‘You’ll have to teach my husband how to do that’.

He began investigating a device that could trigger orgasms on demand, though they involved having a generator – akin to a pacemaker – surgically implanted along with the spinal electrodes. Aside from the invasive surgery requirement, there was one other problem: the generators cost $25,000 (£19,600) each. In the years since, interest in the Meloy’s orgasmatron has gone limp (sorry again).

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The pleasure we experience after our ‘brief event’ is the result of neurohormones and endorphins – endogenous morphine. The stimulation of different nerves produces different types of orgasms (vaginal, clitoral, anal, prostate, cervical, urethral etc) meaning that there are different flavours and blends depending on your particular predilections. But if an orgasm is ultimately just a flood of chemicals to the brain, could there be an answer outside of new tech devices? What if you could take a pill that eliminated the hard work (and aching wrist) making sexual nirvana as easy as treating a headache? Recently in Pakistan, a group of patients being treated for Parkinson’s disease reported a rather unusual side effect.

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Could this have a mass application? Would it even be desirable? The experts are sceptical. The downside, of course, is that if you cheat it and shortcut your way to climax, you miss out on all the good stuff. It’s like specifically taking the scenic route and falling asleep until you get there.

While an orgasm button might be a way off, there’s certainly plenty of sex tech innovation to keep an eye on. Much of the innovation is coming from women, borne of a desire to close the ‘orgasm gap’ in heterosexual encounters (heterosexual women said they orgasmed 63% of the time, for men, it was 85%).

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They’re a crucial part of wellness. The hormones released during climax are known to relieve pain, depression, and stress. Oxytocin stimulates attachment, calmness, and a sense of well-being, while dopamine contributes to a natural high, a sense of elation, and a feeling of boldness. If the pleasure isn’t enough incentive for you, think about that.

What’s a woman to do who can’t quite attain the Big O? Also, a man fears his wife will leave him for a vibrator. Sexploration answers your queries. Got a question? E-mail us. In surveys, about a quarter of American women report some sort of orgasm snafu, either not being able to have one at all (called anorgasmia) or often getting close without being able to take that blissful leap over the edge.

Marcalee Sipski Alexander (no relation) of the University of Alabama, Cindy Meston of the University of Texas at Austin, and of course, Beverly Whipple, who helped pioneer the effort. But even they cannot say for sure what makes an orgasm. “As of yet, no definitive explanations for what triggers orgasm have emerged,” states a review of the science authored by Meston, Alexander and others.

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Many therapists suggest practice, practice, practice with vibrators or fingers or whatever works. Go solo at first so there is no pressure to perform. The last thing you want is for a lover to lose patience and switch on an old episode of “Green Acres.” To know if you have actually had an orgasm isn’t always easy; some are mild tremors, some are major earthquakes.

This is good; it expands the menu. But if a woman comes to expect that same feeling to always be the one that pushes her over the edge, she can become frustrated. So keep the toys in the sock drawer for a little while and then slowly integrate them again.

Orgasms have been much talked about in the past few years with people becoming more aware about sexuality and giving more importance to sexual pleasure in relationships. A lot has been said about how to get better and more frequent orgasms, as the female orgasms also became a subject of importance and controversy that followed.

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The basis of the idea is that an orgasm is basically energy and drugs in motion in the brain, and it can be triggered with thoughts alone, even if there is no genital simulation. An orgasm is caused when simulation of genitals and nerves linked to them sends signals to the brain.

Orgasms are phenomenon that occur during sexual intercourse when two partners are intimately aroused. Of course, men and women are very different in bodily structure, and there are a lot of differences in orgasm technique and effect. Science has looked further into the differences between the two sexes to find out more about which sex has the better orgasm.

Science has shown that men and women are aroused in very different ways, and even that one gender requires more time than the other, but nevertheless, the feelings are very much similar and one gender doesn’t really experience a ‘better’ orgasm than the other, per-se. In fact, both genders have used the same exact words to describe the feelings of an orgasm.

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Women have been socialized to believe male orgasm is more important than their own, We have been taught in America that talking about sex is inappropriate or uncomfortable, Women have been brought up to believe that asking for things or standing up for themselves is considered less attractive than a woman who agrees with or goes along with the norm It’s easier to fake an orgasm than to speak up, You’re tired of having sex or aren’t in the mood, You want your partner to feel validated despite how you feel You’re embarrassed/think something is wrong because you can never orgasm during penetrative sex Next, I want to normalize how common it is for women to have a hard time achieving orgasm in general so perhaps we might all understand that if you can’t, or don’t regularly there’s nothing wrong with you.

I’d like to also say that while it is normal, that doesn’t mean we need to accept it, but it is well understood. Over and over again in sexual health research, the data is clear-male-female penetrative sex does not equal an orgasm for most women. In a 2019 article posted by The Kinsey Institute (a leading research group on sex and sexuality), when asked about orgasm, 22% of women reported that they had never orgasmed during penetrative sex and only 31-40% reported they regularly reached orgasm during sex.

So, what are those 31-40% of women doing differently than the majority? Through a great deal of research (it’s interesting how we love to write, research and learn more about sex isn’t it?!), we understand the determinants of orgasm have less to do with how sexual we are or how often we masturbate and more to do with how our relationships are doing and how we communicate.

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We communicate and connect through words, touch, nonverbal cues, and through sex. Sex is one of the deepest and most personal forms of communication between you and your partner. When you essentially lie about orgasming you’re breaking down communication in your intimate relationship when it could be used as an opportunity to strengthen communication.

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What if you found out that five of the last 10 times you had sex with your partner they were faking their orgasms? How would it feel? Would it cause you to trust them less? Would you appreciate it? The thought of lying about something as intimate as sex creates an immediate disconnect between you and your partner.

Even if you’re in a casual relationship or a one-night stand it matters (see #2 for details on that!) This unhealthy and unproductive feeling that is a side effect of not having your needs met or heard is unfortunately all too common when it comes to sex. If you’re lying next to your partner after sex wishing it was different, biting your tongue, unsure of how to approach the situation, it’s a really good idea to broach the topic sooner than later.

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The whole point of sex is to become closer, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Use sex that’s less than satisfying as an opportunity to grow, don’t like something? Just say so. Really love something else, make it obvious! Need something different, bring it up. 3 of 4 This is a complicated topic.

The timing of your conversation is also crucial. Finding a time when you have the time, you’re not in a hurry, and you’re both generally in a good mood is important. Definitely stray away from bringing something like this up during an argument or as a fighting point. I actually wrote an entire article about how to talk to your partner about sex.

Additionally, penetrative sex alone just doesn’t do it for most women because it doesn’t stimulate the clitoris. Instructions and tips on how to achieve an orgasm could honestly be an article itself-so I’ll just list a few hot tips here and link you to some good reading if this is your goal! Try slowing down sex and increasing foreplay.

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Try experimenting at home alone. Online ordering allows you to browse the many options of vibrators and dildos available. I really like body positive and friendly companies like Dame (woman-owned and operated) or Maude (same deal.)Never had an orgasm? Confused about the clit? Let’s get you started: I really like this Guide to Clitoral sex, it details the ins and outs of how to orgasm by stimulating the clit.

I have a friend who’s never had an in her life-in her life! That hurts my heart.” -Nicki Minaj Don’t hurt Nicki’s heart, ya’ll. Demand that orgasm, or at least start taking a few baby steps to boost your confidence and get closer to getting what you deserve babe. All good things come to those who ask for what they want! .

In said study, about 10% of men in their 20s and 7% of men in their 30s claim to have experienced multiorgasms. Let’s take a deeper look into what entail, as well as how to achieve them. It’s important to be able to tell the difference between an orgasm and the process of ejaculating.

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    In fact, one doctor-Stuart Meloy of Winston-Salem, North Carolina-already patented one, in 1996. (More on that in a bit.) This outlook rests on reasonable foundations: Orgasms are just energy and drugs surging through brains, and we can trigger them without genital stimulation, even by thoughts alone. They usually (but not always) unfold thanks to (not always sexual) stimulation of the genitals or the nerves tied to them, which send signals up the spinal cord and into the brain.

    It consists of a small generator, to be implanted near the spine, linked to electrodes running into spinal nerves that take signals from an external remote. Those electrodes would zap the brain, via the nerves, to orgasm. Only about a dozen women have tried the Orgasmatron, and only a few reported full orgasms.

    “Every partner could be different, every action that preceded it… whether it’s make-up sex or angry sex or S&M sex or whatever it might be,” said Jim Pfaus, a sexual neuroscientist. “The quality of [an orgasm] is going to change. Your brain is interpreting it differently because of the antecedent conditions.”We don’t know much about how differing build-up colors an orgasm, or what brain activity during orgasm ties to how we interpret it.

    The 30-Second Trick For Orgasm – Cleveland Clinic

    But if you really want to get off, you’ll have to do it the old-and wet, squishy- way. Follow Mark Hay on Twitter..

    The spinal surgeon was performing a routine pain-relief operation on a patient, using electrodes implanted into the spine when he hit the magic spot. The patient who was awake at the time started making rather appreciative noises, and told Dr Meloy: ‘You’ll have to teach my husband how to do that’.

    He began investigating a device that could trigger orgasms on demand, though they involved having a generator – akin to a pacemaker – surgically implanted along with the spinal electrodes. Aside from the invasive surgery requirement, there was one other problem: the generators cost $25,000 (£19,600) each. In the years since, interest in the Meloy’s orgasmatron has gone limp (sorry again).

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    The pleasure we experience after our ‘brief event’ is the result of neurohormones and endorphins – endogenous morphine. The stimulation of different nerves produces different types of orgasms (vaginal, clitoral, anal, prostate, cervical, urethral etc) meaning that there are different flavours and blends depending on your particular predilections. But if an orgasm is ultimately just a flood of chemicals to the brain, could there be an answer outside of new tech devices? What if you could take a pill that eliminated the hard work (and aching wrist) making sexual nirvana as easy as treating a headache? Recently in Pakistan, a group of patients being treated for Parkinson’s disease reported a rather unusual side effect.

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    Could this have a mass application? Would it even be desirable? The experts are sceptical. The downside, of course, is that if you cheat it and shortcut your way to climax, you miss out on all the good stuff. It’s like specifically taking the scenic route and falling asleep until you get there.

    While an orgasm button might be a way off, there’s certainly plenty of sex tech innovation to keep an eye on. Much of the innovation is coming from women, borne of a desire to close the ‘orgasm gap’ in heterosexual encounters (heterosexual women said they orgasmed 63% of the time, for men, it was 85%).

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    They’re a crucial part of wellness. The hormones released during climax are known to relieve pain, depression, and stress. Oxytocin stimulates attachment, calmness, and a sense of well-being, while dopamine contributes to a natural high, a sense of elation, and a feeling of boldness. If the pleasure isn’t enough incentive for you, think about that.

    What’s a woman to do who can’t quite attain the Big O? Also, a man fears his wife will leave him for a vibrator. Sexploration answers your queries. Got a question? E-mail us. In surveys, about a quarter of American women report some sort of orgasm snafu, either not being able to have one at all (called anorgasmia) or often getting close without being able to take that blissful leap over the edge.

    Marcalee Sipski Alexander (no relation) of the University of Alabama, Cindy Meston of the University of Texas at Austin, and of course, Beverly Whipple, who helped pioneer the effort. But even they cannot say for sure what makes an orgasm. “As of yet, no definitive explanations for what triggers orgasm have emerged,” states a review of the science authored by Meston, Alexander and others.

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    Many therapists suggest practice, practice, practice with vibrators or fingers or whatever works. Go solo at first so there is no pressure to perform. The last thing you want is for a lover to lose patience and switch on an old episode of “Green Acres.” To know if you have actually had an orgasm isn’t always easy; some are mild tremors, some are major earthquakes.

    This is good; it expands the menu. But if a woman comes to expect that same feeling to always be the one that pushes her over the edge, she can become frustrated. So keep the toys in the sock drawer for a little while and then slowly integrate them again.

    Orgasms have been much talked about in the past few years with people becoming more aware about sexuality and giving more importance to sexual pleasure in relationships. A lot has been said about how to get better and more frequent orgasms, as the female orgasms also became a subject of importance and controversy that followed.

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    The basis of the idea is that an orgasm is basically energy and drugs in motion in the brain, and it can be triggered with thoughts alone, even if there is no genital simulation. An orgasm is caused when simulation of genitals and nerves linked to them sends signals to the brain.

    Orgasms are phenomenon that occur during sexual intercourse when two partners are intimately aroused. Of course, men and women are very different in bodily structure, and there are a lot of differences in orgasm technique and effect. Science has looked further into the differences between the two sexes to find out more about which sex has the better orgasm.

    Science has shown that men and women are aroused in very different ways, and even that one gender requires more time than the other, but nevertheless, the feelings are very much similar and one gender doesn’t really experience a ‘better’ orgasm than the other, per-se. In fact, both genders have used the same exact words to describe the feelings of an orgasm.

    The Greatest Guide To Orgasm Problems: What Can Women Do? – Smsna

    Women have been socialized to believe male orgasm is more important than their own, We have been taught in America that talking about sex is inappropriate or uncomfortable, Women have been brought up to believe that asking for things or standing up for themselves is considered less attractive than a woman who agrees with or goes along with the norm It’s easier to fake an orgasm than to speak up, You’re tired of having sex or aren’t in the mood, You want your partner to feel validated despite how you feel You’re embarrassed/think something is wrong because you can never orgasm during penetrative sex Next, I want to normalize how common it is for women to have a hard time achieving orgasm in general so perhaps we might all understand that if you can’t, or don’t regularly there’s nothing wrong with you.

    I’d like to also say that while it is normal, that doesn’t mean we need to accept it, but it is well understood. Over and over again in sexual health research, the data is clear-male-female penetrative sex does not equal an orgasm for most women. In a 2019 article posted by The Kinsey Institute (a leading research group on sex and sexuality), when asked about orgasm, 22% of women reported that they had never orgasmed during penetrative sex and only 31-40% reported they regularly reached orgasm during sex.

    So, what are those 31-40% of women doing differently than the majority? Through a great deal of research (it’s interesting how we love to write, research and learn more about sex isn’t it?!), we understand the determinants of orgasm have less to do with how sexual we are or how often we masturbate and more to do with how our relationships are doing and how we communicate.

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    We communicate and connect through words, touch, nonverbal cues, and through sex. Sex is one of the deepest and most personal forms of communication between you and your partner. When you essentially lie about orgasming you’re breaking down communication in your intimate relationship when it could be used as an opportunity to strengthen communication.

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    What if you found out that five of the last 10 times you had sex with your partner they were faking their orgasms? How would it feel? Would it cause you to trust them less? Would you appreciate it? The thought of lying about something as intimate as sex creates an immediate disconnect between you and your partner.

    Even if you’re in a casual relationship or a one-night stand it matters (see #2 for details on that!) This unhealthy and unproductive feeling that is a side effect of not having your needs met or heard is unfortunately all too common when it comes to sex. If you’re lying next to your partner after sex wishing it was different, biting your tongue, unsure of how to approach the situation, it’s a really good idea to broach the topic sooner than later.

    Orgasm Anxiety: Causes, Treatments & How To Cope – An Overview

    The whole point of sex is to become closer, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Use sex that’s less than satisfying as an opportunity to grow, don’t like something? Just say so. Really love something else, make it obvious! Need something different, bring it up. 3 of 4 This is a complicated topic.

    The timing of your conversation is also crucial. Finding a time when you have the time, you’re not in a hurry, and you’re both generally in a good mood is important. Definitely stray away from bringing something like this up during an argument or as a fighting point. I actually wrote an entire article about how to talk to your partner about sex.

    Additionally, penetrative sex alone just doesn’t do it for most women because it doesn’t stimulate the clitoris. Instructions and tips on how to achieve an orgasm could honestly be an article itself-so I’ll just list a few hot tips here and link you to some good reading if this is your goal! Try slowing down sex and increasing foreplay.

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    Try experimenting at home alone. Online ordering allows you to browse the many options of vibrators and dildos available. I really like body positive and friendly companies like Dame (woman-owned and operated) or Maude (same deal.)Never had an orgasm? Confused about the clit? Let’s get you started: I really like this Guide to Clitoral sex, it details the ins and outs of how to orgasm by stimulating the clit.

    I have a friend who’s never had an in her life-in her life! That hurts my heart.” -Nicki Minaj Don’t hurt Nicki’s heart, ya’ll. Demand that orgasm, or at least start taking a few baby steps to boost your confidence and get closer to getting what you deserve babe. All good things come to those who ask for what they want! .

    In said study, about 10% of men in their 20s and 7% of men in their 30s claim to have experienced multiorgasms. Let’s take a deeper look into what entail, as well as how to achieve them. It’s important to be able to tell the difference between an orgasm and the process of ejaculating.

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    Apparently, for some women, it does come naturally. But for others, it may be possible to learn. Meaning, yes, you could make yourself squirt during sex. First, a little refresher on what squirting actually is: While there’s still a lot of debate, Madeleine Castellanos, MD, notes that “squirting appears to be fluid that’s retained in the bladder that’s released either when a woman has an orgasm or other times.” This is thought to involve the Skene’s glands-two structures located near the end of the urethra that can produce fluid with G-spot stimulation.

    The actual volume can vary, too. “Some women will have more fluid; others less depending on their body, as well as depending on the experience,” Laino says. But why the hype? Dr. Castellanos notes that it can feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent of women who’ve experienced squirting said it improved their sex lives.

    “It’s very sensitive. So when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you’re having an orgasm or you’re getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable experience.”That said, “a lot of people think this is the pinnacle of if you haven’t done it, your orgasms are less-than-I don’t agree with that,” Dr.

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    “Overall, staying hydrated is good for your health, which can support sexual functioning.” There’s also this to consider, per Laino: “Dehydration can lead to more difficulty having an orgasm in general and can even make sex painful as well as having low energy for sex.” This content is imported from poll.

    Have patience with yourself and your body. “It can take some time to get a feel for it,” says Antonia Hall, psychologist and author of You’ll also want to reduce as many other stressful thoughts as possible. “Remember that, for most women, sex starts in the brain,” says Sparks. “Start the mental seduction earlier in the day.” That means everything from dirty talk to cleaning the bedroom so there’s nothing there that stresses you out.

    O’Reilly suggests using a rabbit vibe like the We-Vibe Nova, which “provides dual vibrating stimulation for the G-zone internally and the clitoral head and hood externally.” She adds that it’s “adjustable, powerful, rumbly, and you can use it to rock in a pulsing motion.”The Womanizer Duo can also be a handy toy, “as the outer arm stimulates the head of the clitoris with pleasure-air technology that uses tiny bursts of air to create a suction-like sensation over the clitoral head,” O’Reilly says.

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    “The G-spot is about two inches in and one inch up, inside of the vagina,” Sparks says. “So, you are seeking a toy with some length and a slight upwards curve.” She likes the Le Wand Bow: “This stainless steel wand is perfectly curved with ridges and a round bulb on one end and smooth and a more pointed bulb on the other end.” You can even add in temperature play by letting it sit in warm or cold water for a few minutes prior to use.

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    Just like you need to be in the right psycho-emotional state to be able to squirt, you need to be open to getting messy. While the amount and propulsion force of squirting liquid varies from person to person, it will very likely end in a mess. Instead of freaking out about it, embrace it.

    Squirting refers to fluid expelled from the vagina during orgasm. Not all people with vaginas squirt during orgasm, and those who do may only squirt some of the time. This type of orgasm includes a rapid ejection of urine from the bladder. Squirting sometimes also involves secretions from the skene’s gland.

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    A squirting orgasm is sometimes called female ejaculation. But this term excludes non-binary and trans people who are not female but have vaginas. A recent study has shown that there is a difference between squirting, female ejaculation, and incontinence during sex. However, the term squirting is used to describe all three in everyday language.

    It is possible to squirt and ejaculate at the same time. Squirting is real. In fact, scientists have documented the phenomenon. However, more research is needed to determine the exact causes of squirting and female ejaculation. Part of the ambiguity about squirting is that the skene’s glands vary from person to person.

    Each person’s experience with squirting is different. While some methods can make people squirt more than others, there is no one proven method that makes every person with a vagina squirt. This is because each vagina is different. As mentioned, some vaginas lack the skene’s glands which are thought to create the fluid released during ejaculation in people who have vulvas.

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    Sometimes it is a small trickle or a stream of fluid. The depiction of squirting in porn movies often shows large gushes of squirting liquid. Porn producers fake some of these depictions for dramatic effect. All volumes and forms of squirting are valid. Squirting at different volumes is a normal occurrence during sex for many people.

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    Squirting can also occur at the same time as an orgasm. Some people also have multiple spurts of squirting spread over a few minutes. Explore squirting by yourself or with a partner to find out what works for you. Some sex experts recommend stimulating the g-spot to achieve a squirting orgasm.

    Squirting, also sometimes called female ejaculation, refers to the expulsion of fluid during G-spot stimulation in people with a vulva. Jizzing. Female ejaculation. Making it rain. Tsunami of love. Whatever you call it, chances are you’ve got some Qs about squirting. So, let’s start by getting the most pressing one out of the way: Yes, it’s real.

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    Additionally, though the terms are used interchangeably, some research that the mechanisms involved in ejaculation and squirting are actually completely different. That’s like asking what an orgasm or sex feels like: Everyone will have a slightly different answer. According to Engle, “Some people say it feels nothing like an orgasm.

    However, though more research is needed to understand exactly how and why it happens, there is plenty of evidence to the existence of squirting. Another common myth is that anyone with a vulva can squirt. While there are several methods and sexual positions that may be beneficial, it’s estimated that only around 10-50 percent of folks with a vulva are able to squirt.

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    Interestingly, one study conducted in found that the fluid emitted during squirting does contain urine, but it also contains a compound called prostatic-specific antigen produced by the Skene’s glands, which are known as the female prostate. Squirting typically comes (wink) down to either G-spot stimulation or G-spot stimulation combined with clitoral stimulation.

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    Lay a few towels down or a waterproof throw on the bed. You can find waterproof throws online. Another option: Get it on in the bathtub.”When I masturbate and plan to stimulate my G-spot, I get in the tub so I don’t have to worry about getting everything wet,” says Christine B., 31.

    Some folks release a teaspoon amount. Others gush. Might as well prep for a super-soaker. Next, set the mood. Light candles, put on Party, Next, Door (or whatever’s on your Sexy Time playlist), put your phone on airplane mode, and place the lube and toys within reach. Finally, when you’re good and turned on, it’s time to give your G-spot and clit some love.

    If you’re looking for it with your fingers, feel for something slightly spongier. If you’re looking to explore squirting during partnered sex, any sex act or position that stimulates your G-spot and clit at the same time can work. Below, three to try. If your partner has a penis or dildo, doggy style provides the perfect angle for them to reach the front vaginal wall where the G-spot is.

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    “Use whatever stimulation you usually use to get revved up, then touch your clit,” says Engle. You might opt for a clit stimulation toy. She recommends a clit suction toy like the Womanizer, which uses pleasure air technology to stimulate oral sex. Find it online. The G-spot becomes more pronounced when you’re aroused, so wait until you’re super turned on to find it.

    You can find sex toys that stimulate your G-spot and clit at the same time online: Like other erogenous zones, how and if the G-spot is pleasurable varies person to person. So if you don’t feel anything or find the sensation annoying, don’t worry! There’s nothing wrong with you. Some folks will feel like they need to pee before they squirt.

    It’s not, according to Engle. Once you’re in the right mindset, follow these steps:Help them relax. Engage in a ton of foreplay. Stimulate their clit with your mouth, fingers, or a toy. As you stroke their clit, find their G-spot with your fingers. Apply some pressure to their lower belly with your other hand.

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    “Whether you squirt or not, however you experience pleasure is perfectly valid and should be celebrated.” Heck no! There’s no reason to stop unless you or your partner are done playing and… want to go get pizza (or something!). There are P-L-E-N-T-Y of other things you can do if you’re still in the mood.

    Some researchers claim that there’s no such thing as female ejaculation, and the substance that squirts out is just urine. But although some studies have demonstrated that female ejaculation has a similar composition to pee, if you try to tell the world that there’s nothing more to see here than a golden shower, those who have squirted (myself included) will indignantly point out that the experience neither looks, tastes, smells nor feels the same as urination.

    It seems odd to talk about ‘fashions’ in sex, because as a general rule we believe our sex lives to be led by our own desires, rather than what everyone else is up to. But desires are inevitably influenced by the world around us – things our friends talk about, porn we watch, stuff we read on the internet.

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    When I feel like I may be ready to squirt, a gentle push can make the magic happen, and a little extra clitoral stimulation sometimes adds to the pleasure and can bring on squirting more quickly. There are a lot of ‘mays’ and ‘cans’ in here, for good reason: squirting is not something that everyone can do, and like any sexual thing, it’s also not one that everyone wants to do.

    Because squirting is such a visible thing, and one which can be rare, it has the all the hallmarks of a challenge that you might feel compelled to try and ‘win’. Treating it like an achievement to unlock can be exhausting and stressful for the person on the receiving end.

    For many women, female ejaculation just isn’t going to happen it all. If you care about her pleasure, you should accept that and move on. Something which may feel like a fun challenge to you can be a wildly unfun challenge for the person whose body you’re experimenting on. If you attack squirting like it’s a mission to complete, there’s a strong possibility that some of that keenness could translate into pressure for your partner, sapping the joy from sex by turning it into a chore.

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    Are you not always in the mood for sex, and is that a problem? Don’t worry, it happens to many women and men. Find out what to do about it here.

    Others point to gendered roles that unfold during sex. And, some, to a lack of information out there about female sexual anatomy. Fortunately, there are other, more inspiring statistics on orgasm and the apparent pleasure gap. A survey of more than 52,000 adults found that lesbian women bring their wives and girlfriends to orgasm quite frequently.

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